Anger. A small word, but an enormous feeling. You don't have to let anger take control of your life. Use everything to work for your good, even things that may feel negative. Emotions provide us information. Anger is helpful information telling us that something is not right, or maybe even something is unjust or unfair. You have several choices here:
Let anger control you
Do nothing/accept circumstance
Act out of spite/revenge
Use anger as motivation
Let's discuss each of these choices.
1. Let anger control you: The reactive response. You may not even realize that you are letting the anger control you, but have you ever snapped at someone? Maybe even a boss or coworker in the heat of the moment? It may feel good in that moment to say what's on your mind, but you may be left wondering: what did this actually accomplish? Is this how I want to carry myself? What does this say about my character? Sometimes we give ourselves the chance to let anger control us by speaking out of anger, maybe even leading to later regrets. Next time you're angry, take some deep breaths, think first, then speak. You may need to give yourself extra time before responding. Allow your brain to get out of it's emotional state and help your body take back control to respond in a beneficial way. Remember, it's better to say nothing than say something you may regret due to your anger.
2. Do nothing/accept the circumstance: The passive response. Not always a poor choice when responding to your anger. Sometimes the only thing within your control is choosing to either accept a situation or stay angry about the situation. Let me ask you this, knowing that there is a situation in which you absolutely cannot change, would you rather work toward acceptance or would you rather choose to stay angry?
However, if there is a situation that you can work toward improving, ask yourself this: is doing nothing going to provide me with contentment? Am I turning a blind eye to things, maybe I'm in denial? Is choosing to do nothing about this situation going to disrupt my interal peace? If you think yes, then there may be a better choice for responding to your anger. Let's continue exploring other choices.
3. Act out of spite/revenge: Another reactive response. You may have a methodical plan that you've been plotting for weeks, or it could be a decision that you make in the moment in order to get revenge on someone who you feel has done wrong. Ask yourself, What did this response accomplish? How do I feel about my actions? Chances are, acting out negatively is disrupting your internal peace.
4. Use anger as motivation: The positive change response. Use your body's information (anger) as fuel to make positive changes. Your body is telling you that something isn't right, so think of anger as motivation to try to make things right. Slow down and consider all of the possible responses, the outcomes of each response, and the consequences of each response. Ask yourself, which response is going to help me achieve my ultimate goal? Let's say that goal is to get promoted, so will snapping at your boss get you promoted? Will making no change get you promoted? Will acting out spitefully toward the coworker who got promoted give you the chance at promotion? Instead use your anger information to identify the issues, think through the issues, and find the best response. Talk through different responses with a highly trained licensed counselor today to help you get more in control of your anger and use anger as positive motivation for change!
Next time you become angry, remember that anger is information trying to tell you that something is not right. Try to stop and ask yourself the questions discussed in this blog. Think first, then take the best course of action to respond.
What is your usual anger response?
Letting anger control me
Do nothing or accept the situation
Act out of spite/revenge
Positive motivation for change
Stay tuned for our next post...
Comments